I have not found much time to blog lately. Not that I haven’t had time, but that I have had nothing to say. I still have not heard anything from the stake. I submitted that missing test to them I think three weeks ago now, but still have not received a call to meet with the stake president. I have been getting more and more. . . discouraged. upset. confused. worried. I think there must be something wrong. Maybe it is just a lack of faith on my part and a trial that I need to endure, but I have been struggling with my decision to go on a mission for the past week or so. It seems like I have done all I could, made sacrifices and still nothing. When the school wanted me to apply for the Rhodes scholarship, my dream since I was little, I was able to turn it down, because I knew that I was going on a mission. Same with when they asked me to apply for the Fulbright. Or when my Hebrew teacher told me that she could more or less ensure that I got a scholarship to spend the summer in Israel learning Hebrew. I was firm in my decision. But now. . . time has been my greatest enemy. I feel like I am getting old and have accomplished nothing in my life. I am sitting watching the world spin past, getting closer to dying and I am just waiting for a phone call.
It’s been rough.
Sorry for the whiny post.